Woot!

Quite a change from the last post's title, huh? This week has been so eye opening to me! Let me explain why. :)
   So, as most of my friends on Facebook know, I have had a horrible time with an earring hole infection! I was in so much pain there were times I would have to take Tylenol and Ibuprofen just  to get rid of most or all of the pain. If you didn't know, pain is very distracting to study habits and it was especially hard to stay on track with my homework. I went to the doctor and he gave me some ointment and antibiotics. I was really worried Sunday, though, because it didn't seem to be getting tremendously better(the huge white spot of infection had seemed to have deflated). It was really swollen and red and it REALLY hurt.
   So that Sunday night I had called my mom to ask her a question. I got off the phone with her and my ear was numb. So I freaked out and called mom again. My mother, ever the wise woman, gave me oxygen and I got hung up feeling better about it.
   I was still really worried, though. So I was just talking to God while getting ready for bed. I was very honest with Him and asked: "God, I know you can heal me. You healed leprously, an incurable disease. So why aren't healing me the way I want You to? I mean, I don't mean to sound childish, but I do want to know." I texted my mom again to let her know something, and rhetorically asked the same thing of her. She decided to answer my rhetorical question by calling me and letting me know exactly what was up. She reminded me that night time was when Satan really liked to mess with a person. And she reminded me that God wasn't going to let me slide along in college without challenging me. She told me to tell God what I was afraid of and give that up to Him. I saw her point.
   Anyways, I went to bed and talked to God some more. I told Him how afraid I was of with this infection in my ears. And, I'll be honest, I cried. And then, I cried some more when the Holy Spirit impressed a story that I had heard recently. The story of Peter walking on water. Peter was all ready to walk on that water. He told Jesus to just command him and he'd get out of  the boat. Jesus said "Come" and Peter came. But the moment the winds picked up and the seas got a little choppy, Peter panicked and began to sink. He cried out to Jesus for help, and the Messiah helped him into back into the boat. Jesus first question to Peter? " You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
   I felt like Peter. I was all gung-ho to get out of the boat and into the sea of college when Jesus called me to. But when the winds came and the seas got rough, I immediately panicked, which was, in essence, telling God that I didn't trust Him enough to hold me up.
  So as I lay in bed, crying, the words of Jesus came to me. "Why did you doubt?" he asked me. And I wondered, why was I doubting? He had never let me down before. Why would now be any different? I didn't have to constantly be worried about this. I realized this was a test from God. Just like God sent a tester storm when Peter was out on the water, he sent a tester storm to me. He knew how often I had always said to myself that I would trust Him when I got into college. That was going to be a no-brainer. God knew the depth of my faith. He just needed me to realize the depth of my faith.
   Lying there in bed, I realized that I had taken my eyes off of Jesus and onto my worries. I wasn't letting Him be my rock. I wasn't giving my Savior control of the situation.
   Well, I repented right then and there of that! And from then on, God was giving me peace and helping me to know that He had it under control even when things looked chaotic.
    I called the doctor yesterday and it turns out that he won't be back till Wednesday. But with the improvement I had seen I decided to wait and see if it was going to get better.
   Lo and behold, last night the pouch of junk decided to open its flood gates! Sorry, hope this isn't too gruesome. The other infection on the opposite ear decided to follow suite thereafter. And very soon after that the pain had decreased tremendously from where it had been. Now, I haven't taken Ibuprofen in hours and my ears aren't hurting for the most part(as long as I don't mess with them)!
  But that's not even the half of my amazing news!
   Ever since I don't even know when, I have loved traveling! I really liked road trips, but I LOVE flying! I would go to a new place every month! And God has blessed me with opportunities to go on trips with my Aunt and they were great!
   My Sophomore year of highschool, I was complaining to God about how little traveling I got to do. If he had given me this desire to travel, why wasn't I getting more opportunities to go? God showed me through Exodus 15 that He could do anything. I felt Him telling me that I would get more opportunities to travel.
   So last night, I was over at a professor's house having dinner. We were talking about any out of country trips we had taken and all I had to say was that I had been to Canada. So all this talk about going out of the country got me riled up about how much I wanted to travel.
   Fast forward to a few hours later and I am at Dorm Meeting. Gunner gets up there, and what does he announce? A short term missions trip boot camp. Again, I was thinking how much I wanted to go out of the country. And I heard God say, "Well, it would get your mind off your desire to find a husband, force you out of your comfort zone which you have been wanting to do, and you would get to travel. Your young. You don't have to worry about a husband and kids right now. Enjoy this time in your life. You should do it."
   Now, to explain a little, I have never felt called to do a mission's trip. Yes, I have always wanted to travel out of country, but I have never wanted to do a mission's trip for the wrong reasons. To hear God say all this to me was HUGE! My mental jaw kind of dropped. After that moment I was so excited and at times giddy! I couldn't believe it! God had told me that I could go on a mission's trip!
   He had never told me that I couldn't. If I had wanted to do this sooner, I could have. I just was afraid of going for the wrong reasons. Plus, sharing the gospel in a mission's trip setting scares me.  I think I am beginning to realize that I had started to believe a lie of Satan that I couldn't go on a mission's trip. I couldn't get the funds. I was scared to do it. So I just shouldn't go.
   But last night I felt so free! It was like God had taken a load of boxes from my hands that I had been blindly carrying around with me. All of a sudden, it was like, duh! Of course you can go on a mission's trip! You've evangelized before!
   And God made it even more clear to me the reason He had given me a love of travel and adventure. What better way to take action on my passions than doing missions in another country! DUH!
   It all seems so clear to me now, and I wished I had realized this sooner.
   Anyways, I am so super excited! I went to the missions boot camp tonight and it filled with good information! I am between Nepal and Brazil, but I am really wanting to go to Nepal if God gives me the OK.
   I am going to be applying really soon so that I can get a spot on the mission team and start the interview process. It's crazy how clear this seems to me now! I never really dreamed I would be doing this. It's just not me. It's crazy and awesome and wonderful! :D My God is so good to provide me the desires of my heart in HIS time, and HIS way. AND I get to share the love of Christ!
   Prayers would be much appreciated right now as I go through this process. Truth be told, I'm afraid I won't get on a team. But I know that God isn't going to leave me hanging and He has a plan for the whole journey, even if that includes not getting onto a mission team right away.
   Phew, sorry if my writing's bad. I am really tired. I stayed up till almost three doing homework that it turns out I didn't have to do as extensively as I did. :/
   School is going pretty well, I have got some catch up to do tomorrow. Please be praying that I will improve my time management. I am struggling with that.
   Well dear family, this is my news. :) God's love and peace be with you as it has been with me. I pray that all of you will recognize the love He is showing you even now. Just look around. You'll see it. :) I LOVE YOU ALL!

AAAAAAAAH!

   And it's not even mid-terms yet. Quick post before I go study.
   After getting through the first week of classes I have found out that Old Testament Survey I may very well kill me. I'm joking I'm joking. There's just a whole bunch of reading. Truth be told, I'm struggling with this.
   But what frustrates and discourages me is that I can read a half a book in a day(which is probably as much as I am supposed to be reading a day), but I am having a hard time getting all the reading done every day. I know I can do better and I am striving to. But I was just reminded that I can't do it by myself. I need God's grace and strength to carry me through.
  It's also hard to remember that I am not just reading these texts so I can say I passed a class. I'm studying for my future. The books that I am reading now will help me with what I need to know in the future with my counseling ministry.
   I had Intro to Christian Education yesterday. That was a really good class. :) We worked on our personal mission statement verses. I'm thinking about one from 1 Peter and 1 Timothy.
    Today I had English Composition and I have Intro to Biblical Counseling in about an hour. And the choir had our first performance at Southern's convocation ceremony. I think we did ok for not having that much practice :) They may be posting videos on the facebook group. If so I will post them on my wall.
   Wanna hear a horrible story? I printed out my essay for English Comp. that was due for this morning and my calendar for tomorrow. Went back to the room. Was reading over the essay and realized there were a few words missing. So I was going to back and reprint. I deleted the original from what I thought was the USB. Instead I deleted all of it. So I had to rewrite it from the hard copy I had. Last night was not very lovely. But Dorm Meeting was good :)
   Well, I have got to get back to work. Love you all!

Welcom to College Life

   Class at 8:30. Then get back to the room and read your reading assignment before next Monday. Then get up Tuesday, go to class, do more homework. And eat some time in between all that.
   It's not as bad as I may make it sound. As long as I keep up with my homework, it goes fine.
   The first session of classes is usually just going through the syllabus. The syllabus explains the whole semester quite well. Honestly there are not a ton of due dates either. One of my professors is very lax about tests, eating in class, and basically everything except our final writing projects. He even said if we asked him the answers to a quiz, he'd probably tell us the answer. But not all my profs are like that.
   I have 4 books to read for Intro to Biblical Counseling each due at different times that I have to take quizzes on. And I finished homework in time to have a bit of free time! :D
   I have to go to bed, so I'll just say this: I love college life! I never have to eat alone if I don't want. A girl and I were just doing reading homework this afternoon. We didn't have to be alone but we didn't feel the need to talk either. I don't think I've eaten alone once and I don't really walk to class alone. I'm talking to people a lot(as we speak, some girls are chatting in my room). My room mate and I are getting along great! She's awesome and we have done an online class together.
   I feel so comfortable here. Making friends is very easy. Boyce is very good at helping us along with that.
   But it's so weird because I still feel like I'm at church camp. Especially when we are having dorm meetings.
   Ok, so embarrassing story. I walked into an earlier class. All red faced and sweaty. I only realized that I was too early after class. So I grabbed some lunch and then headed back to the same class that I had just thought I was late to. No, my professor didn't say anything about it.
  Well, goodnight. I have a 9 o' clock class tomorrow

Severing the Cord

   Well, the umbilical cord has been severed. I had to say goodbye to my parents and move on. It was hard. We cried. But we knew that it was right.
   Orientation is over now and all that's left is starting school. They kept us hopping over these past two days.
   The Computer Proficiency Exam went ok. The only thing I was concerned about how I did was the Excel. They wanted me to find out the Net of a money figure and do a pie chart and I didn't know how. So, it should be interesting to see what kind of a grade I get.
  My parents were good enough to unload stuff while I was away at the exam. I just wish I could've done more! Note to all you advice seekers out there, make sure you leave plenty of time to unpack before you take the computer exam(if this even applies to the college you are attending.). They met my room mate before I did!
  Our room has a nice set up, too. :) I think we got one of the bigger dorm rooms! :D We have a really roomy walk-in closet! But alas, I already have a list of things I should have brought and will ask my aunt to bring in less than a month when she moves closer to where I am.
  My room mate is really nice. :) We have had some good talks and it looks like we will get along well.
   I have gotten to meet some cool people. Everybody is SOO nice and personable here! Conversation here is pretty easy. :) I feel very blessed to be in the school I am in. The faculty are all great and just want the best for us. The head of my Biblical Counseling Department is super awesome! He really makes you feel comfortable and genuinely wants to get to know you. And he's really funny. :) The stories he tells are great!
   Being here has already challenged me to go deeper in my faith. Their very big on intentionality and I am realizing this is something I need to work on.
   I have got all my books but one. No on has put up a syllabus, but I am told this is normal, so that's fine with me.
  I have also found out that some professors won't allow me to use laptops. I don't think I am taking any of their classes this semester, though.
   I saw the Trader Joe's today! Coming from a small town, it's really nice to have new horizons and options open up to you. Some people have already been recommending good coffee shops to me!
   In truth, I am still really nervous for classes to start. I am excited about the classes themselves. But I don't know what to expect homework wise, so that's what intimidates me most.
   Well, I am going to church with my room mate and her family tomorrow so I better start heading for bed.
  Much love to all reading this. :)
  

Leaving home

   I remember this hotel. We stayed in it the last time. I remember the campus. I even remember where some places are . I also remember that was a little stressed out when I was here last time. I didn't want to face the fact that I was going to be graduating the next summer and moving on. I just wanted to go to my safe home, to my nice bed. I also remember knowing that I would only be there visiting the campus for two days.
   It's so different now. I'm not just staying for two days. It's like, a little less than four months.
   As we were on the road today I truly felt like another chapter in my life had begun. I kept looking back over the past, wanting to go back. But that's impossible and God never wanted us to continually go back to our past. How would we ever move on, then?
   Today, as I have been saying goodbye to family, after every goodbye I felt God taking my hand and leading me forward, telling me it was time to go. He gave has given me the strength to walk away. Because there have been times today when I just wanted to stay home. I wanted to stay in my comfortable bed, in my familiar room. I wanted to talk to my Aunt for a while like I always do. But that's not where God was leading me.
   When I was relaying my thoughts to my mom, she asked if I was still sure that God was calling me the same direction. I told her I was, and I am. But just because I'm sure, doesn't mean that I want to leave any more and she knows that too.
   When we were getting ready to leave from a restaurant, mom and I mad our way to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the full length mirror. In that moment I the words confident and beautiful came to my mind. And I realized God was trying to tell me something. You are a confident, beautiful young woman. You are fully capable of accomplishing this task. You can handle it.
   Knowing that God believes in me, gives me even more confidence. Because I wasn't doing what He wanted me to do, I would fall flat on my face.
   I've also SO appreciated having the knowledge that all my friends and family believe in me as well. I have continually felt their support and their prayers mean so much. :)
   And last, but not least, God has not only been providing for me strength wise. It seems that in the past couple of days, if I have thought of things that I would even just like to have, not necessarily need, with me at college, someone showed up with a care package containing the items I had thought of and more. How cool is God!
   It just amazed me to see how God has been providing things and continually showing me that this is indeed where I need to be. He is providing everything for me. I just love seeing Him work!
   Anyways, I really need to go to bed, but I wanted to post before things get crazy tomorrow with the first day of orientation.
   My biggest prayer request would be for my room mate and I. Please pray that we grow close and have a good relationship.
  Sorry for the somewhat disconnected thoughts. I'm really tired. Friends and family :) My love to everyone reading this.